Feeling it

Let me just preface this post by saying it's late, and I have a feeling my thoughts may come out a bit more uncensored than if I had the waking hours and perhaps better judgement of putting this out there. ;)  I don't know at what point it's finally hit me that I'll never be 25 again.  I crawled into bed tonight & was telling Ken, "I feel like I've hit the point of no return... I'm already going gray, have stretch marks that are here to stay, am pretty sure I'll never be in shape like I was when I was younger (and now's when I need it most to keep up with the crazy energy of kids!) ;) ...my skin's aged, things feel a bit droopy,..."  Ken cuts me off with this huge smile and telling me how I sound like I'm 65 and reminiscing about youth.  He's like, "That's what 3 kids in 5 years will do to ya. ;)  I think you're forgetting, you're only 31."  That's what I mean, I'm already 31.  I don't know why I'm sharing this... maybe because I wonder if anyone else feels like this too?  If someone had told me (and I'm sure my Mom probably did) to enjoy my 20's because that time is so fleeting...I'm sure I would have taken that little nugget of wisdom and smiled politely, but not thought much of it.  I should have listened better. ;)  Though what would it have changed? - I loved my 20's, some of the best years of my life were in my 20's!  Just like some of the best memories in my life so far have been in my 30's, too.  So, it makes me wonder if I were in my 40's or 50's or 60's and beyond - writing myself a letter -what I'd say to me in my 30's.  What would you want to write in a letter like that? ;)

I had an older woman stop me in the grocery store.  The kids were all in the car cart, groceries piling up in the space around them, and admittedly, I wasn't in the mood to chit chat with a stranger as I was trying to hurry along and finish shopping before Logan fell off the wagon.  But, she was so darn sweet to the kids and complimenting them & telling me, "... I had 3 close like this too; you'll look back and just treasure these early years - honey, these will be the best years of your life..."   I didn't quite know what to do with her comment, so I smiled and thanked her for her compliments and we were on our way.  On that particular day, (suffice it to say it was just an off day for all of us), her sweet words didn't feel all that encouraging.  More hopeless, than I had anticipated.  Because these are treasured years, but definitely stretching.  Maybe someone else could put this into words, but I honestly don't know how to describe it:.... this time in life often does feel so weighted with responsibility and hard, hard things: (in no particular order but certainly things I know that we've walked through in this stage of life) - be it health concerns, job searching, financial stress, parenting, finding ways to keep a marriage thriving when it's easy to let everything else creep in and rob time together, hard things happening to family & friends, ... and let's be honest, how often do we hear people say it gets easier? ;)

Eesh, call me Downer Debs!  And this is me, on a good day. hahahah. As I've been writing, there's a few verses that came to mind...  one from Ecclesiastes 3, "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens."  (It's actually a great chapter if you keep reading though I won't post it all here).  But several verses later, it says, "What do workers gain from their toil?  I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race.  He has made everything beautiful in its time.  He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.  I know that there is nothing better than for people to be happy and to do good while they live.  That each of them may eat and drink and find satisfaction in their toil- this is the gift of God."  And, almost in an echo of that last part, there is that verse in James, "..every good and perfect gift comes from above."  The last verse that came to mind, was from Philippians when it says, "Only let us live up to what we have attained."  That one may seem a bit out of place for this post, but I think it's easy for me, to feel bad for being honest about how hard this time of life can be... almost as if I feel abstract condemnation or something to admit things like this ... not to justify my complaints... but just to be assured that as a Christian, we need only trust Him with where He has us, and pray for the gift of enjoying life.... in whatever season under heaven He has placed us today.

Ummm...  I think that may have just come out a bit preachy.  Didn't intend to. ;)  I think this post post feels more like a journal entry for myself, than a blog post per se.  I hope you can be encouraged in Him.  It's true, somehow drawing near to Him, infuses fresh life and can often be that eternal energy drink my soul is craving.